Alpha by the River

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I have laid my camera down to rest...

2008-04-10T17:12:00.011+02:00

I have laid my camera down to rest these days - mostly to process the deeply moving and dynamic images of the Balkans that remain with me - but once in a while a surreal image imposes itself upon my usual perception...and the camera just finds itself in my hands...

While waiting for the ferry which would take me to Victoria to see my friend Alison in early March, I was enthralled by this typical westcoast mystical scene. This major shipping port is transformed into a fantasy scene ...

Island time changes everything ...

This area is well known for it's restful inspiration. and casual lifestyle. However, this part of the 2 hour trip is treacherous for ferries who squeeze by each other in this narrow passage called "active pass". For passengers it is titillating to be part of the drama as two ferries 'dance' their way through the narrowest neck of the passage. Often Orca whales can be seen along the way.

I could have sworn I was somewhere in the UK - but no, I pinched myself again. I am here in the smallish coastal campus of Royal Roads University on the west coast of Vancouver Island.

I thought you should see some of the forest the west (wet) coast is famous for... this is NOT a rain forest, but close enough. Rain forests have very high and impenetrable canopies that create creepy dark shadows and mossy green undergrowth - very difficult to take pictures if you are not sophisticated enough. So I had to lighten this on my computer after the fact.

The south arm of the Fraser River looking towards the bush plane charter section of the Vancouver international aiport, my son Jeremy and I enjoy an Easter Sunday walk along the Richmond Dike - me wishing I had my wellies to get through the tidal muck to take this shot. I am situated just off the 'dike' in Richmond - a municipality built on delta land surrounded by this singular walking and bike path that follows the marshlands where blackbirds and many other species of bird frolic about during the ebb tide - and which protects the burgeoning skyscrapers and apartment blocks from tide surges and storms. From here the river empties into the Juan de Fuca Strait. Most of the float planes service the gulf islands and the remote northern sections of the province.

The building of a controversial (what isnt these days) ice arena for the 2010 olympics. (I live so close!) An overwhelming majority of citizens feel it was placed in the wrong area for future accessibility. However, it promises to be an interesting building with a pagoda style roof that fits with the City of Richmond which is where many Asian citizens live.

Where are the mountains you ask? The ones that British Columbia - is known for? ... I have none that do justice to these magnificent bumps. So I will save that for another time... ;-) Suffice it to say that from downtown Vancouver we can see the towering snow-capped peaks of the "Lions" in all their glory on beautiful sunny days - which are not too often in the winter. From then on - until one is past the famous Rockies in B.C. and Alberta - there is nothing but mountains, valleys, rivers, mountains and more mountains.

The Road Much Travelled... 2004-2007

2008-02-18T04:11:00.033+01:00

The pictures on this post are a fusion of my love of the people in a very complex and beautiful BiH and a few of my adventures over four years of my stay in south eastern europe. Each year brought new faces, new experiences and new themes to the work and to the living of life in another culture.

It is a big deal - a road MUCH travelled - I have every right to feel very blessed.

I learned much about many things - especially myself in a land where both light and dark exist side by side.

This amazing and resilient culture was a constant enigma - but the images of joy were always connected in some way to the making of music.

Music and love of the Balkans. The most natural resource in the world is something to be shared. Nigel Osborne knows that more than anyone - bringing special needs children to a summer camp August 2005

Never did I imagine I would participate in such amazing projects or meet so many remarkable public figures like Nigel, Tina Lee Golden and the Opera Circus singers from London, Prince Charles or Venessa Redgrave and her sister Lynn.

Opera Circus - (UK) August 2005... no, I am not one of the amazing singers - who are here helping out with the children's music camp near Pula, Croatia.

I met and fell in love with the people, the complex blend of cultures, history and mysteries of the Balkans. Alma and Ermin - newly established tourist operators for Bosnia and Herzegovina (08) - more importantly, loyal, generous and steadfast friends throughout my stay and beyond.

Love the spontaneity of spirit - any chance to smile is taken...as these 3 pictures are a witness. Local staff, Mahira always ready to find a reason to laugh in the midst of stress and hardship of work.

Some go over the top a bit...

Parties with Balkaners always involve music! (but not usually with me making the music!)

Veronica i Ivo sa tetka Darija - an eye specialist in Mostar - near their summer home in Zoastrog. 2004

The rebuilding and opening of the famous Mostar Bridge in 2004 is an unforgettable event - connecting east to west was a spectacular backdrop for other amazing connections and people I will never forget!

Just love this image - sharing at the end of a day long hike near Mostar. March 2007.

Wow I am in Budapest!! .... June 2005.

Later in the summer, Leilani and Phil visit from Vancouver - here I am being a guide at Tekija near Blagaj in July 2005. I'm beginning to blend in...

I loved the quick trips home to see friends with whom I can count more blessings. January 2005.

I loved this journey. Catch you in my next blog. ... Won't you come along? xo Alpha :-)

2007 - Moments in Retrospect...

2007-11-19T12:06:00.000+01:00

Our trip up to Diva Grabvica in March was my first exercise of the year. Andrew was sadly resigned to leave Mostar - so I led the group on what was supposed to be an impressive memory of Hercegovina. Mathius, a music therapy student from Denmark and girlfriend Alea are keen to climb a real mountain.

In the middle of nowhere on our way up the mountain, pipes emerge out of a hill and provide the sweetest purist natural water for travellers. The ancient kings of Bosnia used to hunt in this area - as did Tito. BiH is abundant in natural, pure springs that bubble up from inside the earth. The water carries heavy deposits of limestone which is what BiH is - a huge limestone quarry!!

The end of March and the end of our two day workshop intensive to carers from all over BiH of special needs children. It went very well - and although this looks a bit excessive, we are celebrating its success!

I took this on new years day - 2007. The central park in Mostar is undergoing serious renovations, but what you cannot see are the two pitbulls that were running free from their muzzles and chains. If you visit Mostar today - the park is exceedingly beautiful and well used by families, children and youth.

Part of our team photo taken on the day of Musers 9th anniversary. I liked the captured moment in the faces of these three - Mahira, Toni and Mathius.

Danijel's reflective face uncovers something easily missed and not so easily interpreted. Everyday, we attend to the task at hand but in a small team in a remote and often forgotten part of the world, the staff put out what they can in the face of their own difficulties and past circumstances with the wars in BiH. I am mindful of just how difficult it is to care for others when one's own future and investment in life is unknown and at risk with changing laws and politics in this 'fatalistic' culture.

Nice - when you get one of the worlds most creative composers and gifted Bosnian actors performing just for the joy of it - the party after the party started here! And do they know how to party.... Our 9th anniversary on May 31 did not stop .... until June 1.

I took the team to 'The Land of Friendship and Peace' for team building exercises. Here we get a chance to reveal how we truly feel.... well, perhaps acting is just in the blood...

There was a little stress involved as you can see ...

Andrew's camera catches another moment - here at my place on Christmas day (last hours of 2006). Vega (Spanish), Oliver (German) and Erin (American) share some insights.... in english I think.

More posts coming in the near future.... more faces and more places in 2007!

Grace ,India .. and another River.

2007-10-27T15:59:00.000+02:00

Grace and India may not have been the first things I would have put together in my mind when thinking of this large country bursting with people, commotion and poverty. But grace is what I found.

In September I travelled through Kerala in the southern tip of India where I found verdent greens ...

large stretches of rice paddies,

wide, expansive rivers..

and plantation 'forests'.

The people - natural,

proud

....industrious.

Wise...

and friendly.

It was a wonder to visit Kerala where the literacy rate is higher than most western countries and where employment - also very high - is considered a privilege regardless of the occupation. The noise level was highest in the ayruvedic retreat where nightlife nature screamed during the night and murmured lazily during the day. Otherwise the India I visited was very quiet and contemplative.

Yes there is noise and commotion on the highways and in the cities, but to counter that, there was an extraordinary insularness in the quiet confidence of the people -

A bird sanctuary..and not another living soul throughout the park.

The lotus flower rules along with the birds - when the water recedes.

One wonders if the land dictates the nature of the people living in it. I cant help but appreciate the grace of the Keralan Indians amidst abundant, pulsing, noisy nature against the intensely disciplined wildness of Balkaners in the harsh uncompromising extremes of their climate and terraine.

Mystical landscapes inspire notions of unicorns and other mystical creatures....

2007-06-23T11:09:00.001+02:00

There is a universal notion of mystical landscapes that appear in childhood stories everywhere in the world. I am certain that many of them must have been spawned here in the Balkans.

Maybe Rory from Scotland is a young man who does not believe in unicorns....

But enjoys exploring the possibilities....

But no camera can capture the spell Bosnia and Hercegovina casts - particularly the landscape in the north eastern region. It wraps around you like a magical cloak - verdent greens, fields of corn, rolling hills that intrude into the sky and cow bells ringing as the cows make their way home for milking - peaceful sheep munching away in the pastures that are carved from the deep green forests..... and it all feels so close and personal - like it touches you - and you touch it and it belongs to you. The irony of this amazing country is its perfect idyllic setting shaped by - and disrupted by - beautiful, stupid humanity. You must see it. I will never forget it - and I have been a lot of places.

In the hills above Bogodo - and other spring adventures...

2007-04-28T08:43:00.000+02:00

Spring has brought some wonderful presents. The past few months have been full, busy, dynamic and very, very special. Mostar has shed its winter grey and temperatures are reaching summer numbers. Our team finished a team building day at the Horse Ranch and I managed to get in some marvelous hikes - four altogether - and spend time with some special visitors. I dont take my camera everywhere, so if you do not see yourself in these pictures, know that you are captured in my memory bank in other ways.

Bogodo - a quiet valley 13 winding kilometres above Mostar...

In the spring leprachauns are everywhere - in all shapes and sizes - playing in flower beds...

This leprachaun is called Melissa and ZAMM! - she just appeared suddenly in the forest...

a trek up to the castle is very special each time.

The road is VERY narrow here the wall gives us millimetres to spare and the branches scrape the car... but we wind our way into a dry river bed and find the trail head to the mountain.

This hike gave us an altitude gain of 600 metres - not bad in 2 hours for cranky bones and sleep-challenged souls. But the lush canyon vegetation creates an amazing vibrancy that followed us all the way.

New growth emerges quickly in the mediterranean forest on Diva Grabovica on this hike in May. Bird song is sweet as we hike along this path.

... another hundred metres up the trail we cross over to the continental climate and the darkness of a heavier forest. Ancient kings hunted here - and even Tito who enjoyed riding up the steep trail after it became a national hunting reserve. There are no animals now... just the distant cuckoo at this altitude.

After a long hike,
we head for Jablonica - the best place to have roast lamb
.....above the amazing Naretva.

The above hike was Diva Grabovica this past month. Some pictures here are of the ever-wonderful climb to Herzog's ancient castle. (Other hikes to the Bjelisnica mountains were not captured on camera - but the climb was challenged by the presence of snow and a very tiresome road that required me to keep my car in first gear for a 9 kilometre stretch)

SPECIAL PLACES ...fall 2006

2007-02-23T22:53:00.000+01:00

One learns the value of spontaneity - putting aside agendas, things you think you have to do, the idea that it might be a lot of bother - to be rewarded by the amazing potential and offerings the environment offers. This is especially so, when you have great people with whom to share it. It was a cloudy day in October -and my birthday when I decided to join some friends on a drive to the island of Hvar. We ended up with three people just before take-off - 30 minute's notice only requires a toothbrush. I had no camera to record this remarkable trip ... but here are Andrew's pictures.

The ferry ride to Hvar is only 40 minutes. The scary drive from one end of the island to the other requires you to ignore the bits of road that have nothing under them to support the asphalt - at horrific heights I might add. With me is Toni - fellow music therapist from Canada, and we were often caught (unaware) on camera by Andrew ...also from Canada .... who quietly lurked everywhere with his telescopic lens. That is why there are more pictures of me than usual...

HVAR

pictures by andrew

This is the town of Hvar - very charming and relaxing, especially in October with few tourists.

Passages can be metaphoric, poetic - or just plain awesome.

Looking for interesting places to eat was one of our more arduous chores....

Andrew captures the essence of Hvar - which is typical of many coastal towns.

Cirkka from Finland, a teacher of modern history at the United World College, and Toni at ancient fort overlooking Hvar and the Adriatic.

Andrew ...finding space.

It was my birthday - totally, coincidental - the day we arrived and so I was serenaded by Peter, Alison, Cirkka, Andrew, and Toni - and yes! there was cake - and so much more!

At the end of our journey... 3 of us have to head back a day earlier than the others.

.... we are trying to leave Hvar - resistance is futile.

It was like I owned the world...!

2007-01-14T09:46:00.000+01:00

.... you know that feeling when you feel so FREE ..... !

It was a fantastic day in January when I headed down the Adriatic coast to find a quiet retreat to focus on my writing! The sun was shining off the Adriatic water... nary a car on the highway with me - But on the way my car decided to go on its own retreat...coughed and stalled in Neum. So once it started again, I gambled that I would make it safely to Cavtat (instead of Orebic which required a long lonely stretch of road along the coast peninsula) The moment I stopped in Cavtat my car really took a vacation and enforced me to stay a few extra days in paradise....

I could have been on Vancouver Island...it was a surreal experience finding these trees in the Mediterranean...so much like the gnarled arbutus trees on Vancouver Island in British Columbia.

The coast mountains are not as high as the peaks we have in Canada or the Alps, for instance - but they are very dramatic and imposing in their dominance along the Adriatic coastline.

The town of Cavtat has 2000 inhabitants in the winter...

I was the only tourist wandering around the sea wall....
I passed a man quietly fixing the front step of his restaurant - others watching his progress or quietly going about their own business...no picture of course - that would be an intrusion.

.... lazily serene, peaceful in this idyllic setting.

...the lighting of the Adriatic is, as always, interesting...

That be Dubrovnik over there - but it doesnt really matter when you are in Cavtat.

I hear that my car is now fixed (I eventually took a bus back to Mostar) and I can retrieve it for very a reasonable tourist price. But if it had not been for my very gracious hosts at the Vila Markoc, I might still be pushing my car along the highway. They helped me in every possible way. I highly recommend their pansion - its wonderfully clean, well equipped and has a stunning view overlooking the city. (the first picture is the one from my balcony!)

Ah me... I will return to Cilipi for my errant car sometime... maybe soon...

2006 - a year of hard work, victory and reflection...

2006-12-22T21:03:00.000+01:00

It was a quite a year- it may have made me come face to face with blessings and lessons, but it was certainly a rich and meaningful one. Here are a few of the woo hoos !! and boo hoos... pictures not previously posted.

Woo hoo - Danijel gets the most interesting horse! (boo hoo - later regrets it)

Woo hoo - Nigel's ambitious whimsy becomes reality ... we have a fish barbeque by the river on a sunny day in March.

Woo hoo - I have a great day with friends in Blagaj. and visit "my" riverfront land now vigorously sprouting potatoes - and no one has bought it yet.

Woo hoo - In the spring three schools were brought together for a week of intense singing workshops to produce an evening of 'world' music program in Sarajevo.

Of course, there were the competent backup singers from all over the world: Japan, Scotland, UK, Thailand and others!

Woo hoo - spring means house and garden clean-up. The entire team gets their fingernails dirty - well, almost everyone.

Woo hoo - I got to visit a bit of old-style England in London at the end of April and stayed with my friend Ruth.

Woo hoo - My new 'guy'... imported from Italy to London a long time ago. Boo hoo - he's a cat?

Woo hoo - on May 3rd I was in Windsor presenting at the national conference and looking across another river to... Detroit.USA. A bit like Mostar, come to think of it.

Woo hoo - view!

Boo hoo - a very stressful period put us in an intensive retreat to frame our action plan.There were few moments to rest and the weather was quite foully cold.

Woo Hoo - we made it!!

and woo hoo - there were some rewards as well!

Boo hoo ...vandalism exists everywhere - even to universal heros. Bruce Lee, the epitome of heroic values, was 'planted' in Mostar in the fall and disappeared in bits and pieces until the city removed him completely in the spring.

Woo hoo - for natural wonders and beauty of Vancouver area - and beautiful B.C. AND the fact that I got to return to this spectacular place for a holiday in August!!

Sretan Bozic.

2006-12-21T22:16:00.000+01:00

A most joyous season to you whether or not you celebrate the tradition of Christmas, Ramedan, Hannekah or other spiritual traditions. It is a time of year when many of us are celebrating something - for me it is honoring the winter solstice. Today the tilt of the earths axis away from the sun reaches its furthest point. But in the short, cold windy days ahead, the earth continues in its swing around the sun and the days get longer.

Whatever your tradition is - or isnt - enjoy this season. It brings us an opportunity to reflect, regroup and rebuild while waiting for the warmth of spring.

TRAIN TO SARAJEVO ...

2006-12-14T22:56:00.000+01:00

The train trip to Sarajevo is a quietly beautiful one.The train is utilitarian but the views captivate the imagination, and the dark, grey scenes with mist settling around the valleys and lakes offer mystery and richness to inspire the most reluctant writer.

between long dark tunnels,the scenes change from grey misty vistas to high risky plateaus in mountain tops...

...but very quickly the scenery and weather changes as we leave herceogovina, eventually emerging into lush pastoral hills ... land that seems ageless with people doing what they have done for centuries here; and the sun reflecting off the wet grasslands and fence posts through the mist adds the eloquent mystery that shrouds the Balkans...

Old graveyard markers reflect the sun ....

New graveyard markers do the same... these are all dated 92 and 93.

Approaching the centar of Sarajevo...and the remarkable hills that surround it.

cheerfully snuggling houses everywhere...

and its almost time to disembark into the crowded streets.

What IS Behind the cross?

2006-11-26T20:06:00.000+01:00

On a quiet November day, my colleague and I walked up the backside of Hum to the Cross that watches over Mostar.

Leaving the busy Bosnian roads behind...we see a side of the mountain usually hidden from view.

But as the urban thrash became less part of the landscape, we realized you are never really alone! The goat in the middle came out to challenge us... and we thought land mines were our only problem!

There were the usual cross markers along the road to show us the safe way ...

... other markers to show the treacherous way...

.. a beautiful sky to add a surreal touch to the journey.

...until the cross comes into view!

but we decide to continue further because there are a few extra metres to the top.

...but all we find is a large pit, more crosses and head stones.

So now we are behind the cross..

...and under it.

Antonietta stays to take pictures and I follow a road that leads to the backside of Hum....

I tread carefully ....

These land mine signs fortify the need for treading with care on this back road and unexploded mines can be washed down with the heavy rains. This hilltop with the bunker in the background, provided a steep cliff for bombs, grenades and other weaponry to be hurled down onto the Blv. below the front line. (In 2004, I lived directly under this bunker)

Here you can see two more bunkers. The road goes further, but my curiosity will have to wait for another day - my boots arent made for walking.

Amazing luck! A civilian plane bound from Zagreb beads in on a landing at the Mostar airport. It is rare to see a civilian plane in this area because the air space over Mostar is heavily regulated by NATO.

We saved the spectular view for last.

For a few moments, contemplation comes easily because we are alone at the top of this particular world. The huge price the Balkan citizens pay for this 'innocent' unexploited playground, is having not having a society that understands the concept of service to others as well as themselves. I bless this and curse it at times, but for now - no cursing. The scene is sublime and without neon signs to spell everything out - or noise to clutter my senses - the imagination can play...or rest, as it needs. Sushi, hamburgers and fries belong to another time and place. And for now, a spiritual stake - albeit a decidely catholic one - claims the purpose of this hilltop, as it did 11 years ago when armies with terrifying weaponry ruled Mostar.

Our walk was not interrupted by another soul until we started down in the late afternoon. Surprisingly two women wandered up as though they were going shopping - absorbed in their conversation and barely noticing the vista around them. Coming back to traffic, coffee bars and a different Mostar than the one we left in the sunny morning light - we review the dynamic day over a well deserved dinner and a glass of wine!

TAPESTRY 2005 - MOSTAR

2006-06-22T05:53:00.000+02:00

TAPESTRY 2005 - a year very different from 2004. I had thought that the incredible brilliance of my first year in Mostar overshadowed anything that could follow in 2005. I was so wrong. The year began with a snowball fight in a Mostar parking lot - a curious forshadowing for an unusal year. And it was - The pictures from TAPESTRY - beginning with MOSTAR reveal a rich texture of many experiences in many new places that I touched down in - Sweden, Denmark, Budapest, Dorset, Devon, Cornwall, Belgrade - and of course the forever stunning Adriatic Coast in Istria! Please travel with me to some of these places beginning with MOSTAR ..... and feel the fabric of these images.

T E X T U R E S.....

Phil Robson July 2005

Phil Robson, July 2005

Phil Robson, July 2005

Phil Robson, July 2005

Phil Robson, Mostar 05

At night the old town picks up a charm and ambience that leave you feeling you are in a fairytale, but Phil's sharp eye found a way to capture it visually in these pictures.

Stari Grad in January 2005-

Photo by Alpha

Old Town Market area

Photo by Alpha

POETRY SELECTION from The Darkness of Dreamtime

2006-05-28T21:18:00.000+02:00

2005 was a mix of intensity, movement, brilliance and darkness. Thank goodness for pictures, because in looking back through them, I realize how much wonder is in my life and how little I have to worry about! Photographs usually highlight the joyful and the reflective moments, but in the lulls or turbulent periods, I often turn to poetry. So here are three poems - two were written in 2005: And for you curious types - no - there is no one person in any of the poems. I used my creative dream 'muses' and other experiences to reflect and symplify the complexity of it all.

HEARTBEAT

Be still and listen--it beats within. . . .
The embrace of love, two hands that meet;
a kiss between two strands of hair;
the wind upon a lonely face. . . .

So surely beats the rhythm
beyond the chaos of senseless sound
that the God in every man might hear
the heartbeat of His child. . . .

Can fear distort a rhythm so pure
Or deeds deafen heart's inner ear?
Could truth be robbed for lifeless death?
And the Goddess soul cries out in pain

for withered petals after lusty blooms
and passion born from fragile guise;
remembering the pulse of love
lost in a whirlpool of forgotten dreams.

Despair is the voice for a world lost
beneath the whisper of Her breath.
And still we do not hear--so cannot know
the heartbeat of Her soul.

Copyright ©2002 Alpha Mae Woodward

************

In The Darkness of Dream Time

..for my dream muses Black Cat and Bunny.

When I wake in the night
with you beside me
dreaming in your quiet lullaby breath,
the soul of night time rests between us.
We were together in your dream
before I left to watch you now,
and part of me is with you still,
because I know you feel me there...
And when in the day you turn your mind to mine,
you touch me as deeply
as when your quiet dream voice
steals into my soul.
My heart cannot now rest in empty light.
Its conquest was in the dark,
and it beats for you in the daylight hours
waiting for another dreamtime.

Copyright ©2005 Alpha Woodward

***************

JUST FOR ONCE...

Just for once my heart does not beat
for only you.
Just for once my mind does not think.
It rests from you.
Just for once the memories fade
and I do not remember you.
Just for once you do not live.
There is no you.

It must be the souless sound of the wind
that breaks my heart in two.

Just for once my will is firm
You cannot enter now.
Just for once I do not feel.
It is not your touch upon my brow.
Just for once I do not listen
It is not your voice I hear.
Just for once I do not see
It is not you that is standing there.

It must be the souless sound of the wind
that breaks my heart in two.

Alpha Mae Woodward
Copyright ©2006 Alpha Mae Woodward

Planes, Trains, Automobiles...and a lost bus.

2006-05-27T00:12:00.000+02:00

Although there was a great deal of movement, and intense focus in this very short period it was really about the people that I am fortunate to have in my life at this time, and the treasured moments of this very focused trip. I hope you get a sense of the many special moments amidst a furious schedule. This is the Toronto CN tower taken from the shuttle bus on the way home! But let us begin at the beginning....

CHISWICK, LONDON .... 1st after leaving the Balkans

Ruth Waterman is a lovely, vibrant woman and a brilliant violinist who's home I stayed in while passing through London. Her playing captures my heart even with its dazzling uncomplicated virtuousity ... I highly recommend her CDs - especially the Bach Sonatas for Violin and Keyboard (Volumes 1 - 4)!

Part of Ruth's warm hospitality - a lovely walk through this park, a home cooked dinner and a chance to stumble around on her grand piano!

...love at first sight! He had soul - what can I say! ..and so he is a keeper - one of my special people and stuff.

A quiet Sunday morning.... and a classic english bridge complete with young lovers .... yup, they are there - we passed them in their own world... totally unaware of us.

what a beautiful time to visit England. Chiswick is exceedingly lovely...reminds me of a similar picture I took in Blagaj two months ago. (see emerging from the chrysalis of winter)

Native american indians had a sense of spirituality that 'soul' - or 'spirit' existed in everything and, so - must be honoured. In the busy travel of this week, Ruth's back yard provided such 'spirit' - and the moments to appreciate it.

Later that same day, I was MONTREAL, QUEBEC

Had to have the flags.... fleur de lis, maple leaf and the even the british one...

Odd... i started to see 'spirit' everywhere....

It was happy synchronicity that my itinerary brought me to Montreal and Tiffany who volunteered for us in Mostar last year. Tiffany helped me spend a lot of money! You can see she is pretty focused about anything she sets her mind to... which is why I ended up broke, but with GREAT sandals... and a GREAT dress... and....

WINDSOR, ONTARIO

Early the next morning, after intense shopping and talking and dining with Tiffany in Montreal, I caught a train et voila - 8 hours later I was in WINDSOR, ONTARIO!! This was my ultimate destination where, together with my former colleague Brian Harris, I would present our work to the national conference for music therapy.

That would be Detroit as seen from the Canadian perspective - and once again a river!

Brian Harris, my colleague from Mostar - and I on our first night in Windsor - at the speakers reception. I was very anxious about our presentation the next day, but I dont think it is showing.

While planning our presentation, Brian grabbed my camera and spontaneously took this shot of me - and since he is now a professional photographer, I thought ... well, maybe it might be worth something.

Ellen Lindau, another Canadian music therapist who had worked in Mostar prior to both Brian and I came to our presentation. So it was great to have this connection - the three of us. And yes, our presentation went very well - to a full room of interested people.

TORONTO, ONTARIO

- which is a city I was surprised to be impressed with. Old and new mix together comfortably and artfully. Everything is intentional in this city - and it shows that mankind's need for aesthetic sensitiblities were part of that. I have never experienced 'space' and 'spirit' in the overall architecture of the business centre of a large city.

MOSTAR - again (after arriving in London one day after my announced arrival time... resulting in anxious messages around the globe that I was lost!... but there is more...)

This most amazing journey ended in an extraordinary way - a routine bus trip from Dubrovnik to Mostar ended up in a medium-high adventure through unknown territory, lost luggage - a private small auto packed with 3 confused bus drivers, (none of whom spoke english) - me and another traveller - and a curious rendezvous on the roadside with a bus that had our luggage - and my meeting with Meral Abay, an attorney from Istanbul who ended up being an overnight guest in my home... and another story...

The brevity of our time on earth....

2006-05-13T21:31:00.000+02:00

For some strange quirk of fate or destiny, we get to visit earth for a brief while, and it seems a pity that we are here for such a short time, while all the interesting bits carry on, evolve and change long before and after our tour. But in the Balkans, one becomes aware of time in a different way - as a manufactured measurement that means nothing. All is possible in any moment.

Stecci...ancient burial cairns from a mysterious period

following along a small stream, we approach an ancient cavern...

This limestone cavern lies beyond the casual observer and provides a path for water that ran the mills here in years gone by.

Pools of limestone water emerging from the mountain.

Within a 30 minute drive we find another pool of water... The colour of this lake gives it its name... Blue Lake. A long descent down to the rocky shore is rewarded by crackling cold water - for those of us who dared to swim - bathing suit or no.

A modern plaque on the descent to Blue Lake, I dont know what this says, but maybe future generations will read it too.

Another time, different people and another place.... We are listening to coocoo birds and the distant ring of sheep bells on pod velez. For eons man has tended his sheep in high remote hills and valleys such as this. Time stands still in these hills, and we returned to our normal reality 3 hours later...quite bemused by our escape into a tme warp.

The immortal Bruce Lee statue stood here in the central park in Mostar for a brief, but glorious time. Many discussions about which way to face the famous icon of martial arts (east or west), proved to be redundant as vandals dismantled the statue in record time. The City removed his remains within months of his unveiling.

This abandoned austria-Ottoman structure was probably ocupied by serbian forces in the last conflict. It looked and felt souless - but the picture captured something that wasnt apparent - an exalted aura frames the structure.

The Balkans are dotted with decaying ancient castles, fortresses, and more recent structures that mark man's historic use of this fascinating area

... but the land is timeless.

Emerging from the Chrysalis of winter... 2006

2006-04-03T20:58:00.000+02:00

As better weather was more of a promise than a reality, we began emerging from our chrysalis state in preparation....

..for special occasions, special people and new energy. It felt like a rite of passage, and here Nigel Osborne, returns to Mostar after two years of absence, and we know for sure that things are only going to get better..

How inspiring is it to see someone truly at peace in the sun... Meet Tina from Dorset.

.

A party mood these two were in....

A patch of river in front of the home where we were having a barbeque is swollen way above normal. Next door to is 'my' potato patch riverfront property at 18Km for 1000sq metres...

This day in late March was the perfect day to climb to Hercog's castle and take in the view of the Blagaj - where soon we would be descending to a barbeque - some pictures of which are above.

Teo and Nigel sing Sevda at my place.... love the way people just sing - because they love to sing and because Sevda is in their soul.

A day away to Dubrovnik is a gift...we feel a little like the human equivalent of beached sea lions, and love it.

The house in Blagaj where I saw my first daffodils of the year... same place I captured those amazing poppies in my first posting.

I love the Adriatic - who can help it - but this was a spontaneous dash (in a Lancia) to the coast on the last Sunday in March - the day after the barbeque. Nice - very, very nice.

Living in the Chrysalis of winter... 2006

2006-04-01T22:52:00.000+02:00

January, February and March 2006 were cold and long months ... for the next few pictures you will see how the staff and friends coped (or didnt) with the cruel grip of grey, blah winter... (for Jan inspiration see "The Dragon Sleeps forever...")

..On one rare and beautiful sunny Sunday, we took a walk around town.

I walk this lovely cobblestone street everyday to work. Its lovely - but very difficult to walk on -- even in sensible shoes. Every morning street vendors are busy and the market is alive as farmers set out their produce. Older folks are out - catching up on the business of everyone, and this vitality reminds me how privileged I am to have such a walk every day. The morning is the best time for Mostar. The night belongs to the youth and coffee bars.

Peaking through the damage from 10 years ago. This building once was a thriving bank in the middle of the city. Spanish square is a large open area pretty much in the centre of the city. While most areas of the city are rebuilding slowly, the Square is still a reminder of what can go horribly wrong. On a sunny day though, it becomes a surreal artform.

We sometimes get a little nutty in the office. I still cant believe that you can take pictures with your mobile phone. Andrew is checking his TB shot - and so is everyone else.

Maybe the winter was a tad too long....

The grip of winter was broken by a few parties .... here the staff, volunteers and Board members 'let their hair' down - those that have some - and socialize away from the office routine...

Maya and Daniel are still discovering new ways to use the mobile.

It is good there is no sound. Country and Western music doesnt fit in the Balkans...but it was fun anyway. Watch for the next post for March!.. more parties.

One Day in the Summer of 2004 - (Chapter 3)

2006-04-01T21:49:00.000+02:00

It is now the season of potent fragrances - and the compelling lure of the aromatic wild sage and rosemary along the roadsides and hills - the fragrances are potent. On one very hot day in late August we had a very strange hiking experience. Our trek started late, our guide got lost, and a horrendous storm gathered furious momentum while we were approaching the first summit on Velez - a nearby desert-like mountain terrain. But before that drama started, we innocently took time to rest while our guide hacked his way through the bracken looking for the path...
Later - only Jeremy seemed to be concerned about the signs in the sky.
We are already well on our way back down a windy impassable road, but are a long way from shelter. Our clothes are hopelessly insufficient for what is to follow. We were seriously underprepared.
This was the last picture that my camera took - ever. The static - or the heavy rain cut through the camera bag and destroyed it.

The ominous weight of air about to burst with hail - impressed us into hurling downhill through sheep pastures, forgetting about possible landmines -- with 6 kilometers still to go. Thanks to the intervention of our guide's father, a van picked us up at the last drivable point on the road. Afterwards we were left with strong memories and pockets full of wild berries to dry for tea....and a legacy of stories to tell for a while.

The most amazing preserved town in europe is Dubrovnik I have returned here many times.

It is quite a hike around the top of old Dubrovnik. Fanciful imaginings of how it used to be .... a romaticized version of course.

Jeremy carrying my guitar while I am working... his first days in Mostar.

Exploring Another World 2004 -(Chapter 2)

2006-03-12T11:23:00.000+01:00

... as we explore a newly restored mosque after the damage of the war. Pocetlje is about 25 km south of Mostar. Dating back to the early 1500s - the village retains its old turkish charm. It is now an artist colony.
... or stumble into the traditional lifestyle of the hills people - an experience to treasure. The sac - is also a verb as in ' a way of cooking'. Many urbanites own a 'sac', but few can cook it on an open hearth such as this. Inside the 'sac' is a tasty spinach pie. Outside this cozy warm hut is a biting cool mountain air - that defies the bright sunny day.
...and this yummy warm lunch is very welcome after the first half of our hike.
In the month of poppies - June - Ian (London), Ermin (Mostar) and I travelled north to Sarajevo Spontaneity and a willingness to explore is second nature to Ermin and so we ended up in finding two restorans built into the landscape. This cavern forms part of the fish farm restoran in the following pictures. And SOooo inspired - Ian is conducting his perfect Symphony in E flat - OHM..... well one can imagine it....
Havent been able to find my way back since...
I wish you could have been here on this day in June when our team took an improvised exploration of nearby natural and man-made treasures. It was my first trip to Pocetlje. The fortress that once surrounded the turkish settlement is still explorable for those who dont mind heights and cramped, dark passages!
Domace wine - the best! opinion of some wine experts that the Herzegovinian grape vines were exported from this area to the Bordeaux area of France over a thousand years ago. This is the perfect end to an otherwise very perfect day.
Not Mr. Roger's neighbourhood... It is a human trait to try to imagine the unimaginable. The devastation in Mostar is extremely extensive and my camera cannot capture the visceral experience of walking through areas of total destruction. But it is a common enough scene - Mostar is gradually, refacing itself.
The once beautiful Naretva Hotel is now a bleak reminder of how things can go horribly wrong...
..a few days after the glamour of the Mostar bridge opening and the Prince of Wales visiting us, I was suddenly grounded - here near Pula - the stunning north coast of the Adriatic sea - for a music camp for special needs children.
Well then? What do you consider 'normal' ... ? you kinda had to be there... This is the isle of Brjuni -and we have special permission to be here to see The Marat de Sade - play of course. Aiden is a viola player in the orchestra.
The chldren are doing exercises led by the Kosovo team.
They are the reason for being here. That and some serious relaxation. Brian and Esther on the beach... talking.... talking.... talking......

Welcome to Another World - the best of 2004. (Chapter 1)

2006-03-01T08:49:00.000+01:00

In the year of 2004 I had a remarkable opportunity to explore personal and professional challenges. At a time in my life when sanity may insist on pursuing traditional roles and comfortable experiences, I was launched into a new country, a new way to use my professional skills and a culture shock that didnt show itself until many months into this remarkable journey.

For me, pictures are a story in themselves - creating other possibilies in the viewers mind, or helping create a different perspective of events. These pictures remind me of the remarkable year of 2004, a year that is marked by a deep personal satisfaction for an optomistic soul like myself. So technically, they may or may not be the 'best' but the images touch me.

Many events and adventures were not captured by camera - but they live as vibrantly in my mind as though they had been...

Beautful landscapes exist within 20 K of Mostar. I joined a small hiking club when I first arrived.

This was the year that the stari most was reopened - and for many Mostarians it was met with mixed feelings...which a foreigner can only guess at.The most extreme experience was an unprepared trek up Velez with Jeremy. The mountain climates are very harsh with sudden changes at all times of the year.

Tarik, our guide insisted on this picture using Jeremy's towel like a flag. The lure of Velez My colleague Brian Harris took this picture on his goodbye trek before leaving Mostar. .

I never get tired of this image of the Prenj mountain range seen on the highway from Sarajevo to Mostar.

The year was marked by my meeting extraordinary people - not just famous people...

..but Mostarians who not only carry the drama and tragedy of war and the seductive magnetism of this amaziing place - but also bring gaiety, laughter and special spontaneous moments. How ironic it is to find honest humour in the middle of this environment - . I am very lucky to have met such people who find a ways to make life lighter. Vanessa and Lynne Redgrave and the Prince of Wales were probably the biggest VIP people I have actually ever met. But people are people. And friendship is the most valuable resource we have.

It was my first leap into a country where english is not spoken, and so also my need to pursue language lessons - which led to even more adventures... Adventures such as a magical hike into the ancient Bosnian kingdom last ruled by King Tvrtko in the 14th century,

... or river rafting with a great mix of people!

...or finding hidden caves while exploring abandoned water mills....

... or sharing the path with a friend in beautiful Rama.

or taking a daring dip in the crystal clear waters of Jezero Plavo

... retreating to the quietness of Slon

... or simply looking for frogs in Hutovo Blato park.

August 19th brought Jeremy to Mostar. And this was the beginning of the best trimester of the year. For two weeks we explored many areas around BiH. Both our cameras were destroyed in the storm on Velez, so there were no more pictures after his trip.

...To be continued...(Chapter 2)

Ancient relics and silent watchers...

2006-02-06T21:04:00.000+01:00

One of the most poignant pictures I have. A friend - a young muslim woman- reflects on the what 'was' and has passed on. She stands beside an ancient cross (about 900 years old) where Christians, and maybe Bugomils, long, long ago habited the hilltop; and now her family's blown-up and abandoned village lies behind her. Time may help heal the memories, but scarred ruins and vacant villages throughout BiH still bear testimony to the recent vicious wars of 92 and 93.But it isnt just man who turns inward and attacks its own civilization. Time is an accomplice. There are many abandoned ruins around BiH that once stood for a high state of civilization or marked a unique expression of culture and spiritual beliefs. But for one reason or another, ruins of castles, fortresses, townships and other forms of civil societies have been left behind - to suffer the assault of time and nature. There are many stories to explain the gradual decline and decay of these ancient structures, but for now, they are accessible to anyone who takes the time to venture into the hills and backroads of BiH...avoiding the modern method of destruction - land mines.

About 2300 years ago the Balkans were inhabited by tribes of resiliant people called the Illyrians. Here on this hilltop are two Illyrian burial mounds that we hiked up to one day. They watch over the modern village of Bugodo 20 minutes out of Mostar,

The Illyrian legacy emerged centuries later in the stecci that can still be found throughout BiH.,,, The stecci are unique to this part of the world. The bugomils lived high up in the mountainous regions and practiced a pagan form of christianity leaving the stamp of their culture on these burial stones in sites found only in Bosnia and Hercegovina.

The roman stadium in Pula in Croatia is an amazing structure - hulking over the west side city streets - and making the wanderer inside its walls feel very puny. The remains still command respect for the accomplishments of the engineers and architects of that time...

I have not been able to figure out what this is for. It is about 1600 years old - just outside of Caplinja

These ruins lie within walking distance of Caplinja which is a 30 minute drive from Mostar

This is the ancient fortress of Herceg Stjepan who ruled the area of Hum which is Hercegovina today. It is built upon old Roman ruins which were also built upon the really old Illyrian ruins. The castle is reached by a windy path that zig zags its way up to the cliff top. In the summer it is a challenging climb because of the heat, but in the winter it takes only 20 minutes.

A fabulous view of the Neretva valley can be seen from the middle of these ruins....

...And just 50 metres away from the stecci, we too leave our contribution to the legacy of human kind ....

IMAGES FROM 2005

2006-01-15T00:12:00.000+01:00

My comfort coffee cup... I use it all year when I am in Vancouver ...so it's first this time.

June 2005 on my way back from Aarhus, Denmark. A park in Copenhagen close to where Helle Melle Belle Gelle Jelle Telle lives.... :-)

Another place of constant comfort .... The peace of Podvelez - and the distant cuckoo bird ... May 1, 2005

"I feel THIS big!" We are standing on ancient Illyrian mounds after climbing up through some confusing thickets. November 2005

Our Lejla opening the Blues Festival in mostar in July 2005. She has a voice a little like Madradeus - and we love it.

Bijelisnica - skiing with Juliane - the icy cold of winter in the last sun rays of the day.

Juliane and Tiffany taste the waters of the Buna River - mottled with the reflection of the cliffs above.

A year to the day of the gala opening of Stari Most, a small band celebrates the opening of Lucki Most on Phil and Lei's first night in Mostar. July 26, 2005

Sitting in the hills beyond Sarajevo - just as the ancients did - but maybe not on their own burial stones (about 1200 AD) perhaps of the original Bosnian church, or the Bugomils.

Mostar is dotted with graveyards all over the place. This one is very old. Interesting that many people today dont think about their ancestors.... even though their families have lived here for hundreds of years. On the other side of the city there is one graveyard where the epitaphs are all the same date - 1992.

... walking in the rain near Plymouth Rock in ... Plymouth in Devon. December 31, 2005.

Banjo Point in Cornwall - January 1, 2006.(I cheated on the date)

For a born and bred Mountain Girl...

2005-11-24T07:13:00.000+01:00

... I have learned to love open skies and rivers as I travel through life. I am on this beautiful beach because it was fate .... (and human kindness)

I am peace with so much sky and sea.

... and so it is in Denmark ...

North Denmark coast provides the space and a feeling of expansion ... forever..... In fact this trip was about space - and movement - lots of it. I left Mostar early in the morning by bus, and ended up in Copenhagen at midnight after a stopover in London. A brief overnight (4 hrs) found me hurling myself through airports to get to Aalborg by 7:30 am the next morning. I spent the next 4 days attending research seminars. On the last day, Ellen Bonde brilliantly suggested a picnic on the north coast. We both chilled out on this magnificent beach that meets the north sea and looks beyond to England, Scotland and Norway.

Everywhere in the world, the sun rises in the east and falls in the west.

Everywhere in the world, rivers find their way to the oceans.

and people are just people ! ... laughing, loving, drinking.... here - we are pretty much doing all of the above at the Bonde's house party after the seminars are over.

Back in Copenhagen with Helle Ziba, aka Tango Girl. We spend much time talking.... we are in her home in Copenhagen telling many stories... and here she is telling me a story with her left hand, but I cant remember who she was talking about!

... goodbyes are simply opportunities for saying hello another time... SO much life ... helle girl.

Then it was back to London.
While in London I met John MacAusland, a kind and generous man who taught me the true meaning of philanthropy. I briefly saw my niece Monica and her husband Sunil and jumped on a train (the one after the one that was cancelled) for a quick trip to Dorset to catch up with Nigel Osborne's latest incarnation of his Sevda Opera. There are some very nice memories of the cast, musicians from the Mostar Symphonette and of Dorset itself. - I have the dubious reputation of being a Mostar Symphonette chaser/groupee/mascot - having turned up in Utrecht, Zenica, Sarajevo - and now Dorset, UK to see them and their guest musicians perform. Guests such as Mirima - an inspired accordianist - are well worth the travel. But there are other rewards too. I also enjoyed the warm hospitality of Tina, the Director of Opera Circus and her husband Robert, a film-maker in their country home in Dorset.

Another dodgy train ride (it broke down), a frantic taxi ride and another looooong flight and I am on my way home!
and here are the beloved canadian rockies. One more hour....

Finally, I am in my own back yard. One arm of the Fraser River runs past my home .... ....

and a short walk from my place brings me to a river trail.... which is flooded and impassable at the moment... but some leaves are still clinging to the branches - gradually abandoning their hold on the season, I brought some back with me carefully wrapped by Jeremy.

and this is taken from the my former stomping grounds, Granville Island. Vancouver in its everyday neatness. Of course, what is a trip home without visiting friends, sharing stories and telling lies.... Phil and Lei came to Mostar in the summer of 2005 so there are some shared memories... which no one else 'got' of course; like the 'glass of water story' .... well, I guess you just had to be here!

Yes, people are people everywhere, doing the same things... was this Leilani consficating the booze? No - happily delivering.

meeting old acquaintances - and each thinking the other one is fit to drive - yeah, right.

And it is an amazing gift to have family and friends who just drop everything to see you off again..... au revoir et a bientot.

2005-10-02T18:20:00.000+02:00

It is inky black at 2:00 am on the Balkan backroads and we are following the insane driving of the red van ahead of us. In BiH insanity is a prerequisite for a drivers licence. My body is numb after 10 hours of work and 4 hours of being on the road, but I am alert - knowing that I have to take my turn at driving soon. We are heading for Fazana, a small, sleepy fishing village on the northern adriatid coast. Much later ... we pulled into the driveway at 5:30 am. The sun was rising, and one or two of the 10 sleeping bodies strewn about the house stirred in greeting. Nigel Osborne looking tired but fresh, appeared out in the damp dewy morning to welcome us to this amazing home that emerged from left over Roman ruins...ruins that would form the theatre stage for the Sevdah Opera we would see later that day.

So what is a Fazana summer music camp? ....

Its being tired all the time. Andrew is the youngest (by about 100 years) and slept most of the trip... but he hasnt been Balkanized yet. After 6 days in Mostar, we kidnapped him to this strange place with strange... very strange people ... Still - he survived, as did we all.

It's being tired but happy ... After a confusing but warm and friendly breakfast, we watched the Opera Circus rehearse Nigel Osborne's 3 day opera. That is to say - composed and rehearsed in the 3 days prior to our arrival. Here Larisa and Marisa revive themselves in the garden while waiting for the final performance. It rained so a stage was improvised inside the house.

Its the music. Oh my - its the sweet music of real musicians who know how to tune themselves together. After the performance and delivered lunch, the musicians needed to play some more! Here is Nigel, Aiden, Tony, Goran and conductor of the opera just enjoying themselves. Great food, amazing music and ... maybe a patch of grass to lie down and snooze a bit...

It's the dance ... and what a dance. Lenka, our hostess, knows how to live - here with Andy. A talented, warm and gracious lady, she made us all feel at home in her summer "cottage" - the next day I would be an early morning guest in her other home on Brjuni (island) after dancing all night andcatching the 7:30 am ferry to go to work in Pula.

It's the work we do ... what really matters after all. We had music workshops with children with special needs in Pula for 3 days before the Mostar children arrived. Here Lori from Opera Circus helps out with the music workshops and finds new connections in the music .....

It's the cat, the dog, a mouse and some cheese ... a "physical" music drama created by one of the childrens groups in Pula with the help of Andy from Opera Circus and musicians from Mostar.

It's the joy within us .... and a happy ending. I think the cat and dog ended up friends and maybe the mouse got the cheese, but it all made Andy very happy!

It's perseverance. Shiri, a young composer, found her own music at all times and in all places.

It's the beach.... and the north adriatic offers the best ambience. Here in Fazana it is like an unspoiled Italy (i am told) The children and volunteers all had plenty of down time on the beach.

It's being younger than at least one other living thing. Nothing can replace life experience we 'elders' like to say. But occasonally, we covet the vibrance of youth. So there are two of us who definitely feel youthful next to this tree.

It's being with great people .... Opera Circus people from the UK. Berty, Lori, Tina, me, Gay (journalist) and Darin (and Andy who left) These wonderful people donated quality time to the special needs children of Pula and Mostar - . We will see them in Sarajevo next year sometime when they bring the opera "home".

No.. it' the money. Meet "Clyde" aka Nigel Osborne who financed this amazing camp - After a bureaucratic glich in the system that required some creative problem solving and a few banks with "Bonny" - an undisclosed female accomplice - the money arrived in time to save the camp. And the rest of the story continued ...

...so... is it the money ... or the music?

2005-09-25T16:07:00.000+02:00

I wish I had a river – so long – I would teach my feet to fly…

Joni Mitchell

...the Naretva in Mostar, Bosnia Hercegovina

Ja sam tu...

Mostarians often ask what I like about Mostar. I think they desire to know if we foreigners have discovered the enigma of their town - the sweet mystery of this amazing place. I have come to know it better over the past year and still have trouble identifying what holds me here. I do not know this enigma by name. But neither do they.

It is so many things. There is a vibrancy here that I have not found anywhere else. It demands your attention – that you stay awake and the reward is that you ‘live’ – you feel more alive than perhaps any other time in your life.

I sit on a rock that tantalizes the beautiful, wilful Naretva as I write this – realizing that last night- and perhaps again in a few hours – the rock I sit on may be submerged under tons of raging water, heading relentlessly for the Adriatic Sea. But for now it provides a resting place while the lazy river seduces the children and young people to jump into its frigid water to cool off from 40 degree heat. The emerald current takes them easily across to the other bank and they play in & out of the stream like the sleek, skillful otters from the rivers of my home land. Like children everywhere, they show no fear for what they know …only joy. Maybe I notice these children because they are different. They are not whining, crying or being stubborn. It is though their innocence has been preserved. I hear adults calling out to them – encouraging them to take risks. I see a concerned young man reaching out to help one child up a dangerous bank. Tomorrow the river may not allow such activities, - but for now there is unconditional joy.

My love affair with this place may also be attached to the lack of “protective” barriers. There are no fences to block our access to dangerous river banks, or public areas. Perhaps, a war puts such extreme events into the community that protecting people from hurting themselves, or from vandalizing property is simply absurd. It also leaves us to deal with our own stupidity. Ironically, some value systems have prevailed & survived beyond the brutal civilian war because I have seen little evidence of vandalism. But how can vandalism compete with the leftovers of war – the ultimate vandalism of hulking blown up building carcasses all over the city?

On this hot day – with one foot dangling in the cold Naretva and a cooling breeze ruffling through the cloth of my blouse, I fit in with the scene - people seeking relief from the burning sun. Between writing in my journal, I follow the sounds around me and my gaze falls on Novi stari Most – the beautifully reconstructed Turkish bridge from 1566. Only this time it is built by the European international community from 2002-2004, 10 years after it was destroyed. Just as the young men have done for centuries, there is a jumper waiting to be offered money from the cue of curious onlookers before he plunges 70 ft to the river. Across the river to my right there is a sheer cliff of about 50 feet where would-be jumpers are practicing or resting in the shade of an overhang.

I am hungry so I eat some fresh apricots that I bought at the market this morning – there are no pesticides, growth hormones or genetically altered produce in BiH. The fruits are honest – sometimes look puny or misshapen; not the perfect forms and colours I am used to. After shopping at the local farmers market, I have 5 heavy bags with several pounds of fresh foodies – spending less than 6 KM (about 4 can $) So maybe that appeals to me. With a less than average Can salary now, I have only some trouble living on 900 KM/ month. (The locals make on the ave. about 450KM.)

Or maybe its the experience of being in a demolished socialist society – once integrated and comfortable – now showing signs of the social economic consequences when the systems are gone. There is no comfortable veneer here. A drive in the countryside in the winter reveals how plastic garbage bags are really not biodegradable. Every tree is adorned with several bags blown by the vagaries of wind. It has been this way since the war and will remain so for many more years. And the disappearance of all of the trees in the hills is because it is the only source of heating for the homes. These markers remind me that I am truly lucky that our people have not pointed guns at each other simply because they are different. But it also reminds me that the war really did not end 10 years ago – because we are still living amongst the debris of war. There is still work to be done.

As I sit feeling the cold bite of the Naretva around my ankles, I can honestly say I feel more myself here than anywhere else…and it may have more to do with the people. It is impossible to describe a group, a culture succinctly and accurately, but the individuals I have met have taught me many things. First is about self sacrifice. Many have no hope for an economically bright future in Mostar, and yet they have put their own future on the shelf to live with and care for parents who have no income – no pension – and no other way of support. This is even more powerful for me because it is clear that supporting family members gives strength not weakness to the individual - & the family.

It is the aliveness I feel – even when I am alone – that is addictive. It is rare to find individuals who are fully conscious – but many people here are. Perhaps it is the war that instilled mental vigilance – or maybe they are born with it, but you cannot live here without noticing your own connection to consciousness – yours and the BIG consciousness. And in a place where the intimacy of silence is usually avoided, this is a mysterious paradox. Mostar is a Paradox… a beautiful mystery; and living here does not reveal the secret of that mystery.

I have learned that I have a lot to learn about myself that I could not (or would not) learn at home. I also learned that: I have a lot to offer here – it is a place that I can be useful; everything I have done in my life is working here. But I know at some point I must move on and provoke myself again.

So my work is rewarding, and the biggest reason for staying here is to see the project survive. There is an amazing amount of creative potential where there has been a war and the Music Therapy clinic at the Pavarotti Music Centre is unique in the world. At the moment it is poised on the brink of enormous potential, or closure…an awesome responsibility. I am more involved with managing the strategic direction of the clinic than in working with the children, but I have 13 clients. In Mostar there are no social systems or programs in place – the clinic is pretty much all there is for children and youth with special needs. I am inspired by what music therapy is doing, am touched by the local directors who ‘sing our praises’ -- and am convinced we are making a difference here.

Yes, the Naretva helps me to reflect the good fortune that brought me here. I have walked in the magical beauty of ancient kingdoms that were here before the Turks or the Ottomans. I love the accessibility of unexploited history. In fact, nothing is exploited in Bosnia /Hercegovina, and I feel the innocence of this place defines it more than any flag could. But the average citizen here has not had the privilege of seeing their land as I have. If they did, I think they would understand their soul connection – perhaps – is to their environment. IT is where their true identity springs from – not their ethnic differences.

And the last best thing about being here is ….the wine! Its great – and cheap!! It is not an enigma, but bless it, anyway. And bless the river … it gives me wings so that I can fly away….